I fell into a fucking manhole.

Seriously.

Monday morning, 9:14 am.

I leave for work as usual. As I pull out of the driveway I see a kitty in the middle of the road that has been hit by a car. It looks like my cat. My heart stops. I pull up a few feet and see it is not my cat, but my neighbors cat that looks almost identical. I breathe a guilty sigh of relief. So far, the damage to the cat isn't too bad. However, since he is lying in the center of our very busy street, I decide the least I can do is move him off the street. The neighbor diagonal just moved in three days ago. There are boxes, blankets, carpet, etc., waiting to be picked up by the garbage truck near the street. I put the car in park and put on my hazard lights. I get out of the car, go grab a discarded blanket and scoop up the poor kitty. I walk approximately seven feet to the neighbor's yard, just past the rain gutter, and turn to face the road before setting the kitty down. What I do not realize is that my left foot is resting on a manhole cover. That is, until the manhole cover flips, and my entire right leg sinks into the manhole up to my thigh-- WITH A DEAD CAT IN MY ARMS. I mean, seriously. People are driving by and I look like a clumsy psycho-killer sprawled out on the ground clutching a dead and bloody cat. What a great way to start the day. What are the odds?? Seriously. I'd like to see some statistics.